Being Who You Truly Are

There is a wonderful quote I love by Andre Gide-
“It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you’re not.”

Sigh. That felt good to read.

It can be hard to be your authentic self all the time… in fact I’m convinced nobody has truly succeeded at this. With the amount of people there are in the world, social media, and other people’s standards, it’s easy to feel lost and misunderstood; and even more easy to feel like giving in to what you’re made to think you “should” be instead.

Because of certain things I’ve gone through, the ups and downs, hurts, loves and how I’ve evolved and grown, I of course like everybody, have developed a certain way of living and an idea for myself regarding what I want and need. When it comes to relationships, I desire and feel comfortable with a more “open concept” of loving. I’m talking about a free, boundless love and connection in which both parties don’t live in fear or feed the elements of worry, jealousy, envy, past scar tissue, or act as though the other is their property, in which they only hold rights to. Yes this includes having sex with other people, in a healthy, open, and loving approach.

When I share this with men who are interested in me romantically, whether long-term or short-term, I am met with not respect or efforts of understanding, but anger. Those who I have expressed openly with, have not yet seemed to accept the concepts I speak of, and the emotions and needs I identify with. It can be frustrating, and hurtful at times, as I have been called things such as “dangerous, selfish, slutty, immature, blind, untrustworthy, broken, damaged, stupid, trashy” etc… the list honestly goes on. Why is it that when I open up to people, and be my honest and most authentic self, with only the best intentions of communication, I am given back such ugly responses?

I admit at times, it has felt as if this will never change, and a part of me starts to wonder: “Am I all these things?” How fucked up is that?

I am writing this for those of you who have felt this too because of someone’s, or a group of people’s limited beliefs and mindsets. It’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting something different of the social norm, and that whatever you desire is yours to take hold of and achieve. I am at a point where having someone to truly accept me as I am, while helping me grow into a better more conscious person, would be amazing… However, what I need most is to get behind myself, take my control back in order to power through all those detrimental and fear based comments to bring myself into a more enlightened place, where I will attract the right people to appear into my life.

This is my body. This is my mouth. This is my mind. This is my heart. This is my freedom.
And I will use it as I please, with no apologies.

I am done feeling as though I “owe” explanations to others. I am done expending wasting energy explaining who I am to people committed to misunderstanding me. I am ready to let go of caring what people may think of me.

Affirmations:
I am ready to live and love with my whole self.
I understand people may try to hurt me with words and put me down, in order for them to feel safe/secure.
I deserve what I want.
I love myself for all that I am.
I do not judge myself.
I am worthy of love that does not exist in a cage.
I can create ANYTHING.

Remember that you hold all the powers of what happens in your life, if you do not use your own, someone else will use theirs. Let’s take our control back and start proudly representing our highest selves. I love you all.

~Peace and Love,

J.

When It Comes To That Family Thing…Dynamics and All

I woke up today feeling a bit strange, and when I say strange, I might, just might mean.. overwhelmed, stressed, and as if I carry all responsibility.

Today is my beautiful mother’s birthday, “Happy Birthday Mumma dear!” The last week I have been trying to plan something, at least a dinner, or getting together, and neither my sister or mum have been able to answer the phone or respond with any information at all. It’s made me feel a bit overwhelmed, and I’ll say it, annoyed! I don’t feel these types of emotions that often, and I am for the most part, quite relaxed and not easily perturbed, but wow am I feeling this today!

While I want to prevent this post from becoming a rant and something I’ll look back on later with more “enlightenment”… I can’t help but feel the need to verbalize everything I want them to know. I feel undervalued and unappreciated. I naturally take the role of leader in my family, and I truly do exert a lot of energy towards their well-being, needs and wants. I think about them every day and how I can help them and take care of them better, now in the present as well as also in the future.

Is there a greater lesson in all of this for me?

My mother isn’t only my mother, but my sister. My brother isn’t just my brother, but also my friend, and my sister isn’t just a sister to me, but a daughter. They represent so much more to me, and reflect who I am. Each with different and unique personalities, they are beautiful. We have gone through many things, and are still going through a few long-lasting experiences that just haven’t finished with us yet, we love, and try our best.

I should turn this into gratitude.

I really am grateful that I have such beautiful beings to share a family tree with. I have learned invaluable lessons from each of them, and we are all on our own journeys. I am grateful I know I always have people to go to in a time of need, or desperation, or if I ever become very lost. Our love we give each other is unconditional, core-based love; I know I can become anything and I will still be loved.

Much of this weight I feel, I put on my own shoulders. I take over most responsibility, guidance, and leadership, because this is what they require of me. This is my service to them, and the role I have been placed in. I of course have the freedoms to change this, but I know I never will. What I can do is understand that I may not be understood all the time, and in turn be there to understand myself. None of us can truly understand one another completely…

I must also remember that I cannot fix what is not mine.

 

 

Thanks for listening ❤

~Love and Peace,
J.

How You Spend Your Days, Is How You Spend Your Life

So about a month and a half ago I manifested myself a job that I wanted, or thought that I wanted, and while I learned just how powerful my intentions and manifestations can be, I also learned something even more valuable: the importance of staying true.

I’ve worked mostly in the service based industry throughout my working life thus far; the restaurant business to get a bit more exact. Being a vegetarian for pretty well all these years, and going vegan this last year, I’ve always had to make a sacrifice with the food I am serving, recommending (as in pretending to eat and enjoy), and surrounding myself with. I suppose it had never really bothered me, or I didn’t really think too deeply about it. I was used to being the odd one out and having to modify the crap out of everything I ordered. The place I have just started working at is a higher end restaurant, that prides themselves in the food they serve, which hey, I give them credit for and counts for something, as every other place I’ve worked at most of the staff gets sick of the food pretty fast.  But it was when I was cramming the menu in my brain, getting ready for my food test, when I realized, I don’t want any of this knowledge in my head.

Fast forward a bit… I can’t bring myself to enjoy working here. This job would be a means for me to make good money, but you know what? It’s just not worth the sacrifice. I feel like I am betraying who I am every time I go in for a shift, not to mention I’m required to wear heels for those 8 looooooong hours.

THE LESSON:

While the last few weeks have been tiring and only leaving me with achy feet, I am grateful for it all. What better way to realize the importance in how and what you spend your days doing? I have re-affirmed now that I am perfect as I am, and it is not only unnecessary, but unhealthy to try to force myself into a lifestyle and environment in which I don’t fit in.

I have a vision for myself and I am choosing today to stay true to that, keep my goals in sight, and to love the journey getting there . I am striving to be more impeccable with my word, so I will leave respectively and honestly. However, I have already begun manifesting new and more “me” opportunities. While it was never much of a concern of mine in the past, it is for me now to enjoy and love how I spend my days… and my work is naturally a large part of that.

It never feels good to lose alignment with yourself. It can cause you to feel heavy, depressed, confused, lonely and disconnected. At times I even had thoughts that there must be something wrong with me, and that I wasn’t cooperating as I should be. What nonsense! I could see that my progress and state was quickly spiraling, so I sat still, gave myself some love and positive feedback, and allowed myself to express. In a matter of minutes I had all the answers and solutions I needed. Amazing! I say “No!” to molding and doing internal “surgeries” on ourselves, and “Yes!” to some more self lovinnnnn’.

Love and Peace and Smiles,

J.

Are They Right For You? 5 Important Things To Ask Yourself

This is something I’ve been asking myself recently. Throughout my life I have attracted men easily which nearly always goes hand in hand with a long list of boyfriends. After my last relationship ended (this past January), I decided the next person I was going to give my body, mind and spirit to would be someone who I felt was completely right for me. This someone would match my soul, fit in with my life’s purpose, as well as cherish and uplift all that I am as a woman. In past relationships I found myself giving my needs or beliefs up, simply because my partner thought differently. Well…! There will be no more of that!

Too many times have I not paid attention to those warning signs in the beginning stages (that are always there), or not take into consideration my friends’ and family’s opinions. In my life, I have reached a point where quite frankly, am sick of spending time and energy, as well as enduring the disappointment and pain that follows all those failed relationships. What’s almost worse, is the right person you may have been able to find if you weren’t so focused on the wrong person. Part of figuring if someone is right for you or not entails not getting blindsided by what we all know as lust, crushing, or “the honeymoon stage.”

Questions I found helpful to ask before committing:

1. What do they expect out of this relationship? What do they expect of you? This might seem like a given, but it is one of the most valuable questions you can ask your partner, as well as yourself. Are they looking to be open or exclusive? Monogamous or polygamous? What is considered cheating? Other people’s views can differ greatly so it is important to never  assume that you know and to discuss what both of you are looking for. If by circumstance, you two hold different views on what is functional and healthy, try to discuss a basis on which you both are comfortable with. If no basis can be reached, don’t settle for what they expect of you. You know best as to what will work and fit into your life, and how you can optimally serve the relationship. Settling will only bring resentment or betrayal in your future together. It is always best to stay true to what you believe in, as hard as it may be to find, rather than commit yourself to something you won’t be able to stay committed to.

2. Are there any unhealthy/destructive habits or patterns? Have you noticed any behaviors that may be problematic in the future? As humans we are not perfect which in turn brings each of us our own imperfections. Things like leaving the toilet seat up are not what I mean by bad habits. Does this person try to dictate or control your actions and decisions? Do they tend to pick fights for no reason at all? What about how they fight? There are many ways we can choose to live out of fear and bad habit. Having a partner that hasn’t cleaned out the ghosts of their pasts or rid themselves of limiting fears will always find ways to bring that into your relationship. Whether they keep it in the form of jealousy, control, sensitivity, paranoia… it will be a strain on what you two are trying to create. Talking to them about their family life, and past relationships may help them to let go of these toxins. One thing to remember though is that you are not there to fix them. We are all responsible for our own experiences and lessons.

3. What kind of attitude do they hold in regards to their past? Future? Are they generally positive or negative? Do they blame others for past experiences? For anyone wanting to be able to put in %100, acceptance and responsibility needs to be put into action. Whatever happens in our world, we are responsible for. When we hold onto and live in fear, we create that fear. When we are able to love ourselves, accept, smile and look to the future, a future can exist. Like many others, I experienced creating exactly what I did not want. After I had been cheated on and betrayed, I played out that experience again by believing it was inevitable, and guess what? Where your intention lies, your destiny does also. Pay close attention to the attitudes that they express to you, as well as your own. This is a great way to acknowledge the things that may have slipped your (or their) letting go.

4. How does their ideal life fit in with your ideal life? What kind of career do they have, or are pursuing? Do they want a family? Marriage? Any desire to travel? More importantly, if you haven’t already, ask yourself these questions! The last thing you want is to find yourself in a life you never really wanted in the first place. Deciding what is important in your future will help filter out all the people who will just slow down your journey and pace of getting there. Think about what you can and can’t live without; the kind of relationship you want in the future. Two of my favorite words: Never Settle!

5. Do they accept you for who you are, unconditionally? Last but definitely not least… personally, this is where my deal-breaker lies. Do they communicate and express how much they love (or like) everything that makes you, you? Do they look at your past choices or “mistakes” (I believe nothing is a mistake) with judgment and ridicule, or acceptance and understanding? In a healthy relationship, both parties need to have the freedom of expression, without their partner’s impending expectations or disapproval. If you or your partner are holding onto any discrimination, disrespect or judgment in any form, love cannot and will not flourish. Love needs air to breathe and grow, it cannot grow in an environment full of restraint, fear and worry.

 

“You cannot save people, but you can love them. And that might just be enough”
–unknown

-Love and Peace, J.

Are Your Friends, True Friends?

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” -William Shakespeare

A question I asked myself lately was: Are my friends really my friends? Do they enhance, uplift and bring positivity in my life? Or do they darken, drain, and leave me feeling angry or alone?

In some cases, the answer was a little unnerving. I found myself looking for excuses and fighting my own intuition and knowledge. What is it that makes us hold on to bad or un-serving relationships for so long? Well, this one’s easy: You have a heart! You my friend, are a true friend, one who fights for those out of pure love and promise. Naturally things and people that aren’t aligned with your path tend to wean themselves out, but what if they don’t? How can you tell if your friends are true friends?

If you have been asking yourself this lately, chances are there are a few changes you need to be making.

1. You leave feeling drained or angry. I have had this all too much. Even a simple lunch or movie date with a chronically negative or self-absorbed “friend” will have you feeling very undervalued, and unnoticed. How many times have you listened to this person rant, and complain about their lives and situations, but as soon as you feel like sharing or expressing yourself, they tune out? No matter how attentive or positive you may be, they end up taking all that energy away from you, leaving you feeling robbed. People like this could have been great friends in the past, which is why we hold on to the friendship, even though it has changed. No longer is this person bringing light in your life, they are stealing it! Understand that you cannot help them as they need to be helped, they must do that themselves.

Of course, it is a much different story if a friend is going through a temporary hard time. I am in no way condoning that you drop people out of your life because of temporary circumstance. Friends are meant to be there in those hard times. I am more or so, talking about that friend who has treated you like this for years, or however long you feel is too long!

2. You change the way you are around them. Finding yourself changing your personality with certain people is not a good sign. Friends are most likely the people you spend the most time with and if this time is causing you to alter yourself it is not serving you, and neither are they.  Gossiping when you usually don’t, dressing differently, not feeling free to express yourself or going against your personal and moral beliefs are all signs that this friendship will crush your spirit, instead of lifting it. It’s important to recognize who you are around these “friends,” and how it’s affecting your well-being.

3. You don’t feel they bring you closer to your goals. This is where they either “uplift” you or “drain” you. Any goals, dreams and aspirations should be understood and supported by your closest friends. Last week, I noticed that the person I see as my best friend, kept putting down or adding negative comments to everything I tried sharing. Comments like “that’s weird” or letting me know of all the obstacles I’ll have to get through, aka: “You have a slim chance of succeeding” are not positive or supportive in any way. If I chose to listen and buy into the fear she was trying to create, I would get nowhere. How long has this been unconsciously happening with this friend? Listen and notice how your friends choose to show you love and encouragement (or lack thereof).

4. There is constant friction. Friends who you frequently find yourself colliding with, or hard to be around, shows that neither of you are on the same page, or in the same place. What benefit is there of a “friendship” that holds more hard, stubborn times, than simple, flowing times? Either you, or the other is looking for one thing: Conflict. Choosing to have people close to you when you agree on nothing, have completely different outlooks, hold interests that clash or even receiving constant pain and disappointment are signs this relationship is toxic. It is perfectly fine and healthy to let go of friends who bring in drama.

“Never have a companion that casts you in the shade.” -Baltasar Gracian

Ultimately, if you take the time and commitment to look at the people closest to you, you will be able to decide what the best thing for you to do is. Using your inner and higher intuition will enable you to create the relationships and life you want. Remember, you cannot serve your friends, if you do not serve yourself. Allowing toxic friendships to remain, is not an act of self-love, it is self-draining. Look at your closest friends, as they are probably your biggest influences. Letting go of people who don’t fit with your life’s intentions, makes room for others to come in. Attract it!

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.” – Confucius

-love and peace, J.

Personal Investment

I have 4 words for you: “you are worth it.” As we should all know by now: output=input, especially regarding our efforts creating our own lives. Something clicked in my mind last week. I suddenly was hit with the realization that my life will only hold, what I create and put in for myself. In order to live the life I want, I have to be the person who get’s it.

In other words, that language isn’t going to teach itself, that certificate doesn’t get earned without the time, and that milestone isn’t going to be reached without our own personal investment. If you want something then invest and believe that you can accomplish it. You will succeed only if you take the time and effort to do so. Time passes, never to be attained again and before you know it, you are making another phony list of “My New Year’s Reso’s.” It is in our best interest and power, to use the time given to us appropriately to accomplish success, progress and growth.

“Apply yourself both now and in the next life. Without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, you cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation.” –Plato

Recognize when you think of a new goal, or an interest, and write it down. Bring this idea to action by committing yourself, to yourself! Be your own support and encouragement, and take the time to see in yourself how talented you are. Be impeccable with your intentions, and start to generate the results you aspire to have. Make a list of the steps you need to take, and what you can do today to be closer to what you desire. Getting those gears moving will take energy, effort, focus, competence, and patience… let’s do this.

Spending as many moments as you can improving yourself you’ll see that others, as well as yourself won’t be able to help but notice the changes happening in your life and aura. You will inspire those close to you to take the necessary steps in achieving their goals; by helping yourself, you end up helping others. Spend that money to go to school, work two jobs for a long-term gain, research and take out books about things that interest you, learn how to use that sewing machine, get up an hour early to obtain a sense of peace or to go for that run you’ve said over and over “you’d do tomorrow,” make that phone call, send that message, and spend that energy. A Goddess dreams of reaching her highest potential.

-love and peace, J.