There is a wonderful quote I love by Andre Gide-
“It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you’re not.”

fearless

Sigh. That felt good to read.

It can be hard to be your authentic self all the time… in fact I’m convinced nobody has truly succeeded at this. With the amount of people there are in the world, social media, and other people’s standards, it’s easy to feel lost and misunderstood; and even more easy to feel like giving in to what you’re made to think you “should” be instead.

Because of certain things I’ve gone through, the ups and downs, hurts, loves and how I’ve evolved and grown, I of course like everybody, have developed a certain way of living and an idea for myself regarding what I want and need. When it comes to relationships, I desire and feel comfortable with a more “open concept” of loving. I’m talking about a free, boundless love and connection in which both parties don’t live in fear or feed the elements of worry, jealousy, envy, past scar tissue, or act as though the other is their property, in which they only hold rights to. Yes this includes having sex with other people, in a healthy, open, and loving approach.

When I share this with men who are interested in me romantically, whether long-term or short-term, I am met with not respect or efforts of understanding, but anger. Those who I have expressed openly with, have not yet seemed to accept the concepts I speak of, and the emotions and needs I identify with. It can be frustrating, and hurtful at times, as I have been called things such as “dangerous, selfish, slutty, immature, blind, untrustworthy, broken, damaged, stupid, trashy” etc… the list honestly goes on. Why is it that when I open up to people, and be my honest and most authentic self, with only the best intentions of communication, I am given back such ugly responses?

I admit at times, it has felt as if this will never change, and a part of me starts to wonder: “Am I all these things?” How fucked up is that?

I am writing this for those of you who have felt this too because of someone’s, or a group of people’s limited beliefs and mindsets. It’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with you for wanting something different of the social norm, and that whatever you desire is yours to take hold of and achieve. I am at a point where having someone to truly accept me as I am, while helping me grow into a better more conscious person, would be amazing… However, what I need most is to get behind myself, take my control back in order to power through all those detrimental and fear based comments to bring myself into a more enlightened place, where I will attract the right people to appear into my life.

This is my body. This is my mouth. This is my mind. This is my heart. This is my freedom.
And I will use it as I please, with no apologies.

I am done feeling as though I “owe” explanations to others. I am done expending wasting energy explaining who I am to people committed to misunderstanding me. I am ready to let go of caring what people may think of me.

Affirmations:
I am ready to live and love with my whole self.
I understand people may try to hurt me with words and put me down, in order for them to feel safe/secure.
I deserve what I want.
I love myself for all that I am.
I do not judge myself.
I am worthy of love that does not exist in a cage.
I can create ANYTHING.

Remember that you hold all the powers of what happens in your life, if you do not use your own, someone else will use theirs. Let’s take our control back and start proudly representing our highest selves. I love you all.

~Peace and Love,

J.