I woke up today feeling a bit strange, and when I say strange, I might, just might mean.. overwhelmed, stressed, and as if I carry all responsibility.

Today is my beautiful mother’s birthday, “Happy Birthday Mumma dear!” The last week I have been trying to plan something, at least a dinner, or getting together, and neither my sister or mum have been able to answer the phone or respond with any information at all. It’s made me feel a bit overwhelmed, and I’ll say it, annoyed! I don’t feel these types of emotions that often, and I am for the most part, quite relaxed and not easily perturbed, but wow am I feeling this today!

While I want to prevent this post from becoming a rant and something I’ll look back on later with more “enlightenment”… I can’t help but feel the need to verbalize everything I want them to know. I feel undervalued and unappreciated. I naturally take the role of leader in my family, and I truly do exert a lot of energy towards their well-being, needs and wants. I think about them every day and how I can help them and take care of them better, now in the present as well as also in the future.treeoflifesupport

Is there a greater lesson in all of this for me?

My mother isn’t only my mother, but my sister. My brother isn’t just my brother, but also my friend, and my sister isn’t just a sister to me, but a daughter. They represent so much more to me, and reflect who I am. Each with different and unique personalities, they are beautiful. We have gone through many things, and are still going through a few long-lasting experiences that just haven’t finished with us yet, we love, and try our best.

I should turn this into gratitude.

I really am grateful that I have such beautiful beings to share a family tree with. I have learned invaluable lessons from each of them, and we are all on our own journeys. I am grateful I know I always have people to go to in a time of need, or desperation, or if I ever become very lost. Our love we give each other is unconditional, core-based love; I know I can become anything and I will still be loved.

Much of this weight I feel, I put on my own shoulders. I take over most responsibility, guidance, and leadership, because this is what they require of me. This is my service to them, and the role I have been placed in. I of course have the freedoms to change this, but I know I never will. What I can do is understand that I may not be understood all the time, and in turn be there to understand myself. None of us can truly understand one another completely…

I must also remember that I cannot fix what is not mine.

 

 

Thanks for listening ❤

~Love and Peace,
J.